I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
