The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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