ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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