oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
