Is it because I queefed?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
