I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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