I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
