I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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