When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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