I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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