...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize