I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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