I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
