Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
