My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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