i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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