Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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