I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
