I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
