I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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