If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
