Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
