im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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