I can't watch pbs sober anymore
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
