I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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