my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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