I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So vagazzling was a success
You've changed since you got that strap on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
