he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize