Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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