How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
