I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
