so that wasnt chicken after all
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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