I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
