Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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