Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We don't watch enough power rangers
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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