I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
