I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize