Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
