ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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