mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
