Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
