that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
