The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
