Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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