i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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