wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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