is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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