Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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