how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I want a musical about memes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
