So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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