is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My dad is sitting where you rode me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
