Your mouth is God's brothel.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
