Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
