Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
