is your mom at the bar?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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