Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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