I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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