I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you didnt know i had herpes?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
