in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
