i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
