I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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