I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize