when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
