Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
