I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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