Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
