Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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